my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
