He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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