was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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