Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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