I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
