I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
