I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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