break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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