Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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