I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
