I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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