SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
God, I missed his penis.
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