Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Someone came in the potted fern
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
