Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
