How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
