Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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