actually, I'm a sock model
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
