you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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