no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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