the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
