He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
