I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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