yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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