i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
