If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Randomize
