get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
