I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
