Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
