And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
