TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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