somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
