they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
