I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
