Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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