I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
