Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
