how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
