Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Randomize
