Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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