Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
