Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
