dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
