There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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