the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
