forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
