you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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