I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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