A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
