I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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