I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
